Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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