so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
