Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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