at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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