My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
