But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
