i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
