It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I could make wine with my vomit
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
