We need to rekindle our bromance
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
