rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
