First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
