Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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