I need help removing her.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
