i don't plan on having that self control this summer
only if we run a train.
done.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
