You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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