Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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