I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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