I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
