The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
