I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
