I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
