He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
