Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
