How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
