Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
