Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
