grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He passed out mid-signature
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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