Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
