there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
