Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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