I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
