This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
