Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
