yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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