It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
