Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
