She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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