My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
