I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i think i have two assholes
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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