Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize