what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
