Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
