I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
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first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
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I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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