I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
