I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
