If i come over, it means nothing
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
