Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
