What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Never underestimate the power of titties
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
