Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
