i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
