3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
