dude i'm inner monologue high
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
