I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
