mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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