Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
