WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
In America we eat man semen.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
