if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
