Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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