he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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