Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.