He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
