I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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