I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
