Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Someone signed my nipple.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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